Hi, my names Mark and I’m a Pornaholic!
Not words I ever thought I would say out loud nor type for that matter – as flogging the log with a diurnal regularity had become such a commonality to my daily routine that it never would have occurred to me that something so base, yet normal could be classified as an actual addiction.
Like with lots of things: turns out I was wrong!
Psychologist Philip Zimbardo notes:
“Boys’ brains are being digitally rewired for change, novelty, excitement and constant arousal. That means they’re totally out of sync in traditional classes, which are analog, static, interactively passive.”
Oh fuck! I thought. I’ve been at this for quite some time….like a decade plus! Since before there was internet!
So Porn and the isolated act of choking ones chicken can be a complete addiction as it turned out, and one Ted Talk and a bit of reading later and it seemed the Dopamine reward centres in my brain had been completely rewired for some time, and to the point where real life ‘getting yo freak on’ just didn’t cut it any more.
I mean, I’d often wondered why I was so bored during sex that as soon as I’d gotten my horizontal jogging partner’s rocks off I’d be ordering her a taxi so I could get on down to some satisfying self relief with a bunch of porno scenarios way more interesting than what I just taken part in.
Not for my general lack of trying to make things more interesting, it was just that when I had the constant variety of endless, nubile, enthusiastic, porno hard bodies ready to suck dick at the click of a button, it was hard to find that babbling, drunk chick – endlessly rambling about the lovely feel of my shaved head and making the constant obvious supposition; ‘Oooooh, you must work out’ - in any way remotely interesting.
I’m not discriminating. The same goes for sober ‘post coffee date’ chicks too. They’re usually just a bit more awkward about it due to the lack of Dutch courage. But either way, my tolerance and interest for verbal foreplay took a serious hit when I realised I could just click a link and access instant gratification.
See the ‘instant click’ bag smacking satisfaction and lack of hassle that comes from the gargantuan web of online smut – all free and ready to send your tiny monkey brain truly porno ape shit – was slowly but surely asserting it’s dominance over my man brain, to the point where if I’m honest; regular human interactions and regular sex bored the tits clean off of me.
I enjoyed the ego hit of picking someone up, getting them off or just scoring in general, but over a period of years I’d noticed I was becoming an emotionally dulled, hollowed out Homunculus of a man. My girlfriends over the years seemed to notice it too, and worse yet, I didn’t seem to mind.
Unless I could imagine a variety of nekkid glamour models working into my sex scenarios and performing various athletically improbable carnally unrealistic roles, then I felt unfulfilled. Like a low rent Tiger Woods without the cash to pay for all those hookers to cheat with my supermodel wife on.
I might have looked and acted human (well, to an extent anyway), but all those little thoughts and impulses that would drive non-addicted people to do certain things – interact with women, give a shit about getting a partner, care about sustaining any form of relationship – were being replaced in me with an apathy that knew it could just click on porn and avoid any of that day to day hassle.
Now, I’m not going to lie, I’m a solitary creature, talkative in company, but largely isolated and silent but for short conversations with my trio of pet cats, so not having to deal with people kind of worked out. I didn’t mind the lack of compromise, and being busy you just chock it up to ‘not enough hours in the day’ so I guess I’ll just drop trou and take care of bidness without having to make any phone calls.
But truth is I’ve been becoming disconnected for quite a while now – distant and in short; a bit of a cunt. In fact a total cunt! A relentless, porno brained, emotionally switched off cunty, cunt, McCunterson. And it wasn’t until a pal pointed out the obvious; ‘You’re a complete porn addict’ that I realised that yes – I was a complete porn addict, and it hadn’t ever occurred that it could be a problem until my instant epiphany; oh shit! This is a problem!
Now I’m not going to blame porn for this. Porn is what it is, and I’ve recognised that I, like many other dudes, have got a problem with it (in that I like it waaaay tooooo muuuuch), but in an effort to be more energetic, healthy minded, functional and proportionately strong grip wise in both hands – I’ve decided to go cold turkey (or should I say monkey?) and thus haven’t watched porn or whacked off in over two weeks.
The overall results should be my getting mentally sharper, physically more energetic and just generally more interested in women that don’t live on the internet. And in the two weeks since I’ve stopped beating the Bishop I’ve already noticed that due to my inability to blow vast wads of testosterone into the closest baby wipe – I’ve become more assertive, less tolerant of shite, less sleepy and most of all: manly as all good fuck.
This can only be a good thing.
But I’m not going to get all preachy. I’ll leave that to this guy in the vid below, who does a much more eloquent job than me in explaining what happens when you’re a porn fiend (like I was up until 2 weeks ago) and how maybe taking time off might be a good idea.
He’s the reason I have balls like water melons, a new found desire to get in fights with other men, a quicker wit and an eye for real life women that I previously would have labelled high maintenance head melters due to their disinterest in giving me an instant blow job while their glum looking friend tickled my ass with a feather.
I’m giving this porno detox a try dammit!
Wish me and my inflated nut sack luck!
And for more info and humor on the subject: